Buy two hugs for $60 now and the second one is FREE

    Have we suddenly landed in a bizarro earth where human contact requires payment? 

It's the only explanation I have for people who put up "free hugs" signs or wear "free hugs" t-shirts.

I'll make an exception for poor Mr. Voldemort here.

 Since when has a free hug been a rare and elusive concept that society tracks down like a space bounty hunter locating illegal spice traders?  Or at least the concept of a "free hug" sounds exactly like that. Come on people.  It's a hug. It's common.  I'd understand if you love hugging people but say "I love hugging people" not "free hugs".

     I'll be fair, why, yes... you \would in fact NEED to try and fit more text on a flat surface, but is that such a difficult task? Besides, why in Cthulu's name would I want to hug some random stranger who could possibly have... ulterior motives. It reeks of desperation, like the only contact they can muster with society is performed by announcing their desire to hug people. Perhaps they're parasitic life forms feeding off of people's life forces. Maybe they're poorly trained Russian spies trying to plant bugs on US citizens. Or maybe just maybe... I'm waaaaaaay over-thinking this and they're actually just socially awkward men with low self-esteem trying to find love in the age of information. However I still think the most likely scenario is that they're all Russian spies.

Hey, it wants to hug me! that's totally inconspicuous...

             On the opposite, more sinister end, however there is quite a brilliant idea for those who are desperate enough for cash. Charging people for physical human contact.  Just set up a booth in whatever place contains a large amount of single lonely people (like Detroit, but with less gun violence), charge $5 for a small poke, maybe $10 for a friendly handshake, $20 for a warm hug, $50 for a kiss... and you'll be making bank in no time. It's like prostitution but without the STD s and other added job risks.  Also, it's legal... I think.  Might want to check into that.  I'm not sure if charging money for body contact is part of the constitution.  It's an important issue, I'm surprised it hasn't been brought up in any debates during this election year. Anyway,  it's a brilliant idea. In fact if any anyone would like to co-sponsor my new business venture just give me a call. If I don't receive any calls, I'll likely become one of those single lonely people holding up "free hugs signs". So please don't turn me into a hypocrite...

You're turning me into a hypocrite, aren't you people?

godamn it...

As you can see, I have recently been suffering from enlarged cranium disease